This is FANTASTIC news

Does this face look familiar?

From Gawker today:

“Dustin Diamond, who played the lovable Screech on the most baffling teen show of all time, Saved By the Bell, is writing a tell-all book about his thirteen years on the show…he’ll detail the sex and drugs that went on behind the scenes with castmates—It will be called Behind the Bell.”

Yes!! This is JUST what I’ve been looking for, a fabulous distraction from the Prime time TV-less summer nights I’ve been suffering through lately. Seriously, it’s been tough these past couple of months, what with no LOST, Ugly Betty or Desperate Housewives (Yes, I still watch Desperate Housewives, I’m the one). At least Monday night is still a big hitter with WEEDS, and, COMING AUGUST 18th, THE HILLS’ RETURN! Woohoo! What a trailer!

Anyway, back to this book…I can’t WAIT to read it. Here are my predictions as to the “behind the scenes” debauch. Screech will bring to light:

-Tiffany Amber Thiessen was a big slut…duh.

-Elizabeth Berkley was also a big slut…mega duh.

-Mario Lopez took ballet lessons

-Mark Paul Gosslar was making $1.2 mil by show’s end.

-Lisa Turtle was a robot.

LARK VORHEES! This is going to be my favorite book, I just know it. It wouldn’t be the first time a book about Saved By The Bell has excited me this much. In 3rd grade I got this book called “How To Reach Your Favorite Star” at a Scholastic school book fair and, for something that cost probably $12 or so, I can’t tell you how much joy that little guy brought me. I wrote letters to Mark Paul, River Phoenix and Cindy Crawford (loved that mole). That book is the reason I know that Charlie Sheen and I have the same birthday. That was a big deal back then!

Anyway, Screech’s book is going to be a big hit, HUGE, even bigger than such notable memoirs by past SBTB alums as Tori Spelling (sTORITELLING) and Mario Lopez (Mario Lopez’s Knockout Fitness).

Speaking of Mario Lopez, PLEASE tell me you’ve seen this picture from PEOPLE last month:

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!

Every time I see that picture, I LOL, dear God!

Man, that’s about all I can take for today. LOLOLOL