Hey, New York City (and other nearby) friends!

 

Anyone interesteed in seeing “The Black Keys” with “Tapes ’n Tapes” on August 7th at 6:30pm at McCarren pool in Williamsburg?

Its only $30 and The Black Keys are rockin!

If they don’t do it for ya: anyone wanna see Wilco on 8/13 at the same locale? WILCO!!

Anyone!??! I promise fun and beer! Ok, I’m buying a ticket with or without you, and if you wanna come, you know where to reach me!

for more “Keys” info: check here or here for a free listen.

For other concerts/ free outdoor movies we can see together, go HERE!

blog PLUS

This article in NYMAGAZINE gets a big LOLZ just for the headline alone:

http://nymag.com/daily/food/2008/05/rachael_ray_takes_her_coffee_w.html

ENJOY!

ONE BIG BLOG, EVERYBODY IN IT!

first and foremost: guess which HORRIBLY GOOD TV show is FILMING right outside MY OFFICE right NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…

XOXO

 

hai hai!! Just one of the perks of working on (near) the Upper East Side!

[UPDATE: I found out later, it was actually Anne Hathaway outside my building. But I like that Chuck Bass clip, so I'm leavin it.]

My own personal hero, Lindsay Lohan, was also seen walking around my work hood yesterday and I can’t BELIEVE i missed her. I need more time off work for celebrity stalking.

Secondly: had a great time drinking in Oberlin this weekend even though I returned to New York exhausted and thoroughly sunburned. Its ok because I took Tuesday to recover; I grocery shopped (hello, bagel bites!), watched the premiere episode of “Living Lohan” at 11am on E!, and saw “Annie Hall” at Film Forum with my roommie. Great day!

But you know what I really should have lined up for? Tuesday’s New York City Premiere of “Sex and The City” at Rockafeller Center. Can’t BELEIVE I forgot to go and gawk! I completely missed my chance to lick Jason Lewis’ stomach and help. Kim. Catral. Pull. Up. Her. Dress….

What the FUCK, lady?

This is just a joke now: Kim, you have only ONE important thing to do this month and that’s to SHOW UP TO YOUR PREMIERES and LOOK GOOD! And by “look good,” I do NOT mean look like a disjointed paper doll. I am just so put off by this dress. Its horrible. I haven’t seen anything so dis-proportionate since I was 15 in Israel and my friends and I met a guy we nicknamed “DP” because his head was significantly smaller than his body.

And, as if the front wasn’t bad enough:

Something NOT FLATTERING is happening in that anal region.

Im just sad about it. Maybe a humongous Almond Hershey’s Kiss would cheer me up…you know, the Gold ones?

 

 

MMMMM, almonds.

Why Kristin Davis keeps choosing this A-Line skirt is just beyond me. It aint doin nothin for her legs. Add it to her back woods teenage beauty queen hairsprayed coif, and you dont get much. Bad, Kristin, BAD GIRL!

You know, I’m done with these women. I’m going to see the movie tomorrow night at 8pm and then I’m going to forget about them forever (not likely) because they just don’t send me flowers anymore. Let’s move on to something a bit more smiley:

TOP CHEF!

The rat-face FINALLY got the boot last night, and not a moment too soon. If he made it to the finals I would have shit twice and died. Honestly, I think him and Lisa both shoulda gotten cut. No need for either of them, really. Not when Stephanie is around, cute-in it up all over the place!

 

 Go Stephanie! Its your birthday! Shake your booty! YA!

I LOVE this girl!! And you know who else has a huge crush on her? Tom. Totally. Tom wants to do Stephanie and Padma is mad about it. (For hilarious coverage of Stephanie’s cleavage, please visit “Amuse Biatch“. Too funny).

Anywho, Lisa will go next week, then we’ll get the reunion where Miss Badger Face will pout and act all innocent while Dale and Andrew rip her a new vagina. Then We’ll have Blais vs. Antonia vs. STEPHANIE, FTW! WOO HOO! Count down to Shear Genius…

And FINALLY, MOST IMPORTANTLY: LOST TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN’T WAIT!

CAN’T WAIT!

CAN’T WAIT!

great day!

Can’t do Titles Today

I was just borderline assaulted by one of those “Save The Children” guys on the street who cornered me with his umbrella and screamed, “If I can’t get a nice person to talk to me, I’m gonna go crazy!” I immediately went fetal and said, “I already spoke to one of you last week,” which is completely a lie, and then I bolted. What I should have said is, “Unfortunately for you, I’M NOT A NICE PERSON,” which, considering the fact I just lied to and ran from a “Save the Children” guy, is probably closer to the truth.

ANYWAY,

I want it %100 clear that I called Lisa’s Season 4 Top Chef triumph wayyyyy early on in this season. I am a Realty TV GOD!!! (shit :/)

After I watched last night’s episode all I could think was, “let’s just get this over with already!” I mean seriously, we all know who is in the top 3. There was a time we could have argued between Antonia and Dale, but I guess that ship has sailed.

Poor Monkey!

I get why Dale’s tears overflowedith. He got stuck with the same shit teammates, like, 3 or 4 times. Whenever there was a 1 to 1 challenge, he did really well! Poor sucker just could not learn how to beat  that Lip-pursing arm crossing evil Demon Beast that is LISSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

 LIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (couldn’t find actual mean enough looking pic. of her) LISSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Damn!!! That bitch is MEAN!

 I’m not that suprised that Dale went home instead of her. He was the Executive Chef and the Executive Chef ALWAYS gets sent home during Restaurant Wars. He shouldn’t have served Lisa’s puke rice if it was really as bad as the overly nice Anthony Bourdain said it was. Plus, butterscotch scallops? ew. That sounds like something they make at the Chinese restaurants in Sunset Park, Brooklyn where you can also order “American Fried Chicken wings” and tacos. Do.Not.Want.

Mostly what I was suprised about was ANOTHER team challenge where the teams were basically exactly the same! WTF!!! How does that move the narative forward in any possible way? We’d already seen this episode and we all knew what was gonna happen: Richard, Stephanie and Antonia would calmly make a delicious meal while Lisa, Dale and Spike ripped each other new assholes and made shit food. Not even adding Nikki to the dream team made me think that this challenge was gonna end up any other way.  

BTW: how sad was it when they brough Andrew and Marc in just to make them leave one second later. So sad and funny. Mostly funny.

So now, we’re in the Top 5 where, arguably, 3/5 of the cheftestants are there because they cook real good, and the other two made it because they manipulated the game exceptionally well

cough.cough.

It’ll be interesting…

 

If you have no patience, like me…

Here are some SEASON FINALE SPOILERS…

not for the faint at heart.

 

can you tell I modge podged this picture together?

I haven’t made a collage of my favorite TV show and its stars since 7th grade.

This is bad.

BACK TO WORK!

Hi

Just checking in!

I wont be around too much over the next couple of weeks: A trip to Oberlin this Friday takes me away from work for 3 days and I’m assuming the leftovers hours will be spent actually working.

so, to tide you over on this RAINY AND COLD, May day, here are some things I’m thinking about.

-I’m happy that fat is beauitful and all, but this girl really isn’t. Something not right is happening around that mouth region…

 - Chris Farley really died Way Too Young (and regardless of what this article says, Tommy Boy is a DAMN funny movie).

-the Upcoming Sex and The City Massacre is at the gates and little bits of terror are beginning to trickle in…SPOILERS!! (FYI: I am posting these but NOT watching them) Well, atleast the girls are picking things up a bit as far as their clothes are concerned.

Right? I’ve seen worse.

 

Anyway…

-I’m still crying about no LOST this week. Good thing last week’s episode was fucked up enough to hold me for a while.

-Speaking of LOST: I will be furthering my geekdom this fall when both J.J. Abrams (LOST) and Joss Whedon (Buffy) get new shows! Abrams’ pros: mysterious plot, crossover characters from The Wire and LOST and PACEY WITTER.

I think we’re gonna needa bigger TV.

 

EEEEEEEEK!!!!

TONIGHT! TONIGHT! TONIGHT!

I never considered myself a sci-fi geek until I found this site, and realized I’d just spent three hours furiously trying to remember and then memorize Sawyer’s complete backstory.

I LOVE LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait. eep eep!

 

Top Chef post-hash

 

Sigh, we were all so happy once.

Last night’s Top Chef was the first episode of the whole season where the drama was real and palpable, not manufactured by those scheming producers (IE: the up all night massacre). I gotta say that these chefs look more beat down then in any other season. The show is dying to crack these fuckers and clearly its starting to work!

First of all, lets talk about how Spike is a TOTAL FUCKING DICK. I hate him with a passion I usually reserve for Tyra Banks. I hated him in the morning when he brushed his teeth, in the afternoon when he won Season2Sam’s (aka my Sex-lover) culinary affections, and I hated him in the evening while he ran around Whole Foods like a little rat. I think thats the perfect image of him, a rat in a hat.

ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK!!

If he doesn’t go home next week, Imma cut Padma. 

On to better characters: I’m sad that Stephanie and Antonia didn’t get much face time this episode. They are by far my favorite people on the show, espacially Antonia. her reaction to Season2Sam was exactly like mine would have been: totaly subdued right until he turned his back when its time to go apeshit and make an “ahhhh!” face to whoever is on the left. Me and Antonia are like sisters! Its so great. And she was so right to be freaked out by Andrew after Lisa narced him out to the judges.

Let us remember:

 

That man has crazy in his eyes. I really thought he was going to punch Lisa, who probably deserved it. I get his frustration though: dude lots 200 pounds, he clearly knows something about healthy eating and CLEARLY its a touchy subject! On the other hand, all I do is sit at a desk all day, and when I have Sushi for lunch I end up starving all the way to dinner. And Tom made a good point: no cop is gonna grab a few sushi rolls if they’re hungry 3 hours after eating the first couple. They drive by, like, 25 McDonalds every 5 minutes. Its not happening. You what someone should have made? A healthy donut! Like…corn tortillas in a donut shape filled with jalepenos and lean ground beef and hot sauce and shit. I SHOULD BE ON THIS SHOW.

Back to Andrew: he didn’t use a grain. Its the rules! If you lose your rule sheet, borrow someone else’s, thats no excuse for not knowing the challenge. I think sending Andrew home was just, and it further proves my point that Lisa is the HBOC of the kitchen. Forreal.

In other news, a “fat” girl won Top Model even though she wasn’t nearly as good as her competition. Yay!

I look forward to next week when Restaurant Wars returns hopefully to bring the lolz and the dramz. YAYAYAY.

Time for lunch and that pizza Richard is holding is makin me hungry! BYES!

Top Chef Prehash

 

 

Good lord, I have not written about Top Chef in quite a while! Sorry everybody, I know you live and breathe for my reality TV assessments.
So lets do a quick reup before tonight’s chefisode…

Well, Jen is gone, as are Mark and Nikki. Jen, that was a sad loss. I was rooting for her and her shark fin since I realized how soft and cuddly she is on the inside; and I think she was a really good chef (I’m still waiting for my smell-o-vision to kick in, so I can’t be %100 sure). Mark, his elimination was sad too, not because of his spectacular cooking skills, but because he looked so destroyed at judges’ table when he got the boot.

Poor Mark! Like I’ve said before, dude just did.not.get. the reality competition show format. Its all about ratings, people, and you are blind if you don’t see the little disclaimer at the end of each show which states that the producers get a say in the elimination process. To keep people tuned in and, in turn, keep yourself from getting kicked off, contestants MUST HAVE one of the following:

1) severe mental issues (Spike)

2) the likability factor (Stephanie) or

3) genuine talent (Richard)

While Mark’s and his diggery doo were growing on me, I couldn’t understand a fucking word he said and he seemed a little nonchallant about the whole thing. Plus, they were not about to kick off adorable Stephanie or brooding Lisa with her steeming rage…Mark was a necessary sacrifice as far as I can tell.

Last week: I was dissapointed that the show broke from convention and removed the “Restaurant Wars” classic and replaced it with the similarly titled but not as nearly fun “Wedding Wars”. Boo. I dont think it worked for three reasons. First of all, food at weddings is ALWAYS bad, ALWAYS, and who wants to eat a big ass meal (let alone TWO) in a tight ass dress? Not me! Second, the teams were unbeleiveably out of proportion when it came to talent. Let me remind you: Stephanie, RICHARD, Antonia and Andrew, arguably the four TOP CHEFS on team one, and Lisa, Nikki, Spike and Dale on team two. Adding to the mess was Dale’s raging short-man’s-syndrome and Nikki’s inability to plan and delegate what should have been a SUPER easy menu for her. The unbalancedness issue in this particular episode is just an example of the unrealistic nature of this season as a whole. I mean Nikki ‘vs’ Richard? Please.

Third, If you made me cook for 14 hours straight with no sleep I would probably produce some slop-ass shit regardless of whether or not I was a great chef. That’s ridiculous, NO ONE DOES THAT! I hate these stupid challenges like: make a meal with $10 or cook all night…its not a realistic sizing up of a good chef because those are not things any chef would EVER DO! Also, it cheapens the show because you get situations where good chefs like Jen go home for something STUPID like trying to make a “turned-on” asparagus penis, while chefs like Nikki who can do nothing but make Pasta (and she can barely do that!) end up in the top 8!!!!!

ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew. That’s been building up for a while. I need a minute…lets think about something mindnumbingly stupid for a minute:

 

OK

So, tonight looks like a good episode. I am %100 that the guest judge is season 2 hottie Sam who always made num nums and was great eye candy. 

Hopefully I won’t be too angry to write about it tomorrow.

Toots!

The Hat(e): Day 2

On this, the day after Sex and The City’s premiere in London, journalists from all over the world are chiming in on such important news stories as: The earthquake that killed 12,000 in China, The 100,000 people at risk of disease and starvation in Burma, and the acorn hat. The New York Post, journalism’s equivalent to Hurricane Katrina, just published this article hailing the greatness of Sarah Jessica Parker (or her stylist’s) decision to get a bunch of sixth graders together and make a forest hat for what will likely be SJP’s last relevant movie premiere. Here’s a quote:

“This is the fashion equivalent of getting a master’s at Harvard. Seriously. There is no awkwardness, no discomfort. It’s costume-y, but it’s costume-y in the most fabulous way,” says celebrity stylist Robert Verdi of Parker’s headwear”

 

No awkwardness?

Ummm…

 

the hat says:

“I refuse to go quietly into the night!”

“Please forget about “The Family Stone’”

“Plant me!”

Check back for vegetation growth updates throughout the next 17 days until the masterpeice/massacre click clacks into town (and click the links if you’re interested in helping the starving and dying in Asia.)

PS: please note that this post has been SPELL. CHECKED. for all you haters